Do You Hear What I Hear?

     Stasha over at The good life asked us to come up with ten sounds that drive us bonkers for this week's Monday Listicles.  I guess I live a pretty charmed life because this list was actually pretty tough for me.  Here goes...

1. The bark of the neighbor's dog which is more regular than a rooster and wakes my boy and subsequently me before 6:00 every morning
2. The "bing bing bing" my car makes when the keys are in the ignition and the driver's side door is open.  Moms should be allowed to disable this noise since we have to hop out and deal with the kids five times before we're able to actually drive anywhere
3. I'm going for the obvious, but nails on a chalkboard
4. The "beep beep beep" of the handicap equipped walk signs outside my master bathroom window  They beep to let the blind person(s) in our development know that it is not safe to cross yet.  They are so high pitched that I probably never would have noticed it except that the first night we moved in my husband pointed the noise out to me and now I hear them constantly.
5. The sound of all the neighbor kids laughing and playing outside together when my kids and I are trapped inside and can't join in the fun
6. The "Eee Eee Eee!" probably best described as a hyena in pain that is my daughter's automatic response whenever we say "no" to her about anything.  I want her to stay and I want that sound to go (and not be replaced!)
7. My ring tone when it goes off during a final exam and embarrasses me in front of everyone because I'm the jerk with her cell phone ringer on
8. Motorcycles vroom vrooming outside my bedroom window at 11:30 at night
9. The chirping of a smoke alarm in the middle of the night (based on 1, 8, and 9 you see that I really dislike noises that compromise my sleep)
10. The Sound of Silence.  It used to mean my daughter had finally stopped crying.  Now it almost assuredly means my kids are up to no good.

 

Provided my blog doesn't count as a noise that drives you bonkers, please click below.

As The World Wide Web Turns

      As I had my head buried in school books and was taking exams I learned that the wonderful world wide web moves forward without me.  I'm surprised too!  That being said, some really great things happened in my absence.  Really great things for me that is.  I've gotten a few awards and it's past time to give some fellow bloggers a big thank you.  Hold on, it's going to be a long ride.  Here we go...
     
     First and foremost I want to thank Liz at Funny Postpartum Lady.  Her blog title really is true.  She's funny and you should check her out.  In addition to helping me shamelessly promote myself, she gave me the Versatile Blogger Award.  Thanks so much Liz!

The rules for accepting this award are as follows:

1. Thank the blogger who nominated you

2. Include a link to their blog

3. Include the award image in your blog post

4. Give 7 random facts about yourself

5. Nominate 15 other bloggers for the award

6. When nominating, include a link to their site

7. Let the bloggers know they have been nominated

     Then I got the Sunshine Blogger Award from the wacky Joni at WTF am I thinking.  Apparently she thinks I deserved an award.  Thanks Joni!

The rules attached to this one are:

1. Include this award log either in your acceptance post or somewhere in your blog.

2. Answer 10 questions about yourself.

3. Pass the award onto 10-12 deserving bloggers.

4. Add a link on your post to all of the talented winners and comment on their page to let them know they've been deemed amazing.

5. Thank the brilliant soul that recognized your talent and bestowed this wonderful award on you...and of course link back to them as well.

     And as if that weren't enough, the lovely Valerie and Aubrey over at Momfia Tees AND Too Smart For Her Own Good nominated me for the Liebster Blog award.  Thanks ladies!

The Liebster rules are:

1. Post 11 random facts about yourself. 

2. Choose 11 deserving bloggers and tag them in your post..

3. Tell them you’ve tagged them.
4. Answer 11 questions the tagger has asked you, and give 11 questions to the people you’ve tagged.
5. No tag backs.

     Lastly, when I posted this list Mz Tink from Rantings of a Mouthy Bitch also gave me an award.  I am just tickled!  Thanks Miz Tink!

The rules for this one are to accept it and if you feel like it, pass it on to some people whose blogs you think rock.  (I love easy rules like that!)

     In the interest of efficiency (and keeping my audience awake) I am going to merge all these wonderful awards and answer 11 questions which you should also count as random facts about me.

1. What's your favorite swear word substitution?

Jesus.  Unfortunately, I use this in front of the kids so I spent all last school year praying that Dude wouldn't let it fly while riding with his (except him) all Mormon car pool.

2. Boxers or Briefs?
I'm not a boy.

3. Vampires or Werewolves?
If you're asking me to choose between Eric Northman or Alcide Herveaux, I say "both" please.  (And if you don't watch True Blood then you're missing out!)

Decisions, decisions...

4. If you could choose any career what would it be?

I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up.  Fortunately, I'm working on my Masters in Teaching so hopefully I'll get a few ideas while I'm doing that.

5. You're raiding the kids' Halloween stash. What are you taking?
Reese's Peanut Butter cups - and most surprising?  They never complain.  Score!

Can't type, drooling...

6. If you could only watch one movie for the rest of your life what would it be?
Will it be playing continuously for the rest of my life?  Or will this just be the only movie I'm ever allowed to put in my video player?  If it's the first, then nothing.  If it's the second, then I'll say Harry Potter number 7 parts 1 & 2.
7. What's your favorite book?

Either Emma or Pride & Prejudice by Jane Austen (But I wouldn't want to read either of those exclusively for the rest of my life.)

8. Do you take your favorite coffee or tea with? cream or sugar?

I'll try to ignore the grammar issues with that question.
9. Favorite and least favorite cheese.
If it isn't Cheddar, it isn't worth eating.
10. Coke or Pepsi?

Neither

11. What's your style? Laid back or fashionista?
I think my style is described as more laid back than laid back.


     Now that I've got all the formalities out of the way, it's time for me to give a few other bloggers some fodder.  If they need something to write about they can respond to this, or come up with their own usually clever posts.  Either way, I'm cool with it.  So here is a short shout out to a few blogs I enjoy.

Kristina at There's No Time For Pants! often cracks me up.

Christina at The Twisting Kaleidescope is a brilliant writer who loves Shakespeare (she gets bonus points for that).
Confessions of a Tumbleweed Her life sounds both exhausting and exciting.  I live vicariously through her adventures.

Pat and Christian at Point Counter-Point Point Point keep me laughing and I suspect getting tagged for these awards will slightly annoy them which makes it a little fun.  Um, sorry guys?
Blissfully Discontented is a great writer.

     And since her idea was pure genius and because I'm allowed to nominate eleventy hundred people for awards according to the rules of the four I received, I am following Robyn at Hollow Tree Ventures' lead.  Anyone who wasn't named above, but wants one of these awards, go ahead and take it.  Free of charge!

Someone out there likes me.  Could that person please click below?

Ninja Mom With Swimming Telephone

   
     In the style of those delightful Spanish television novellas that Joel McHale laughs at every week on the Soup, it's time for another episode Swimming Telephone.  Participants will take part of our story and run with it, old school telephone game style.  Click on the telephone above for further details and then dive right into the story.

Today's storyteller is:
Nicole at

Ninja Mom

     While Nicole has been keeping her kids actually swimming for the last two weeks she has volunteered to metaphorically swim along with me.  Click to read her latest addition.  I am excited to see if she was able to salvage my very bad morning.

Previous swimmer: just keep swimming

Next swimmer: Kristina at There's No Time For Pants!

Who doesn't like a good old daytime blogging drama?  

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Swimming Telephone - Bad Beginning

Today I'd like to introduce you to the inaugural edition of a game I call "Swimming Telephone."  I've got a fun group of blogging friends lined up to help me create a humorous story.   For more details click here.  Without further ado I present to you an homage to Lemony Snicket, my version of a...

Bad Beginning

     It started like any other morning.  You know; having a flashlight shined in your eyes at 5:30 a.m. like a criminal being interrogated. The warden was in my cell telling me it was time to get up. This definitely counts as cruel and unusual punishment.

     Within five minutes of being downstairs little girl had already thrown a temper tantrum, emptied the extra large box of crayons onto the floor, and dismantled my printer to hijack my last few sheets of white paper.  This was too much excitement before my morning caffeine.

      Trying to avoid a trip to the emergency room I tiptoed around the crayons making it to my extra large cup and my coffee in time to hear the other kids stampeding downstairs demanding breakfast.  After setting them up with some plates, eggs, and forks I looked at my offspring in wonder.  How can so many little people have a such a hard time sitting right and holding utensils?

     That is when Husband informed me he would be working late tonight.

     I looked at the clock.  It was only 6:30 a.m.  Defeated, I trudged upstairs to brush my teeth.  Suddenly, my mommy sense was tingling.  I heard loud squeals of laughter.  I knew whatever was waiting downstairs was no good and I did not feel ready to face it.

     The morning was going downhill. 

     Nicole at Ninja Mom is up next.  Can she save the day? 

     Tune in next time on the Swimming Telephone!

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The Slide of Doom

     Today I face one of my mommy nightmares.  No, not the one where I lose my child in Disneyland and find them an hour later riding It's a Small World repeatedly.*  We were invited to a birthday party where they are renting one of those behemoth inflatable slides.  If this party were for a lesser friend, we would pull the old "drop the present and run" exercise and appease the kids with candy, puppies, and fireworks instead because that behemoth inflatable slide desperately makes me want to bail.

Sure, it looks all soft and bouncy and innocent.

         

     This is my kid's dream entertainment, which is my first clue that it is actually a death trap. The climbing ramp on the left usually has handles or some rope for the kids to grab to help them climb up.  Here is where my crazy mom brain kicks in and tells me to wrap my children in my arms and run away with them.  As I look at that ramp I picture one kid getting almost all the way to the top, falling backward, knocking all the kids behind him down like bowling pins, and breaking his neck on the way down in the process.  (I am also positive it would be one of my kids.) 

     Here is where my husband calls a psychiatrist for me because he is convinced that I am neurotic and should not be trusted to care for children.  That's OK though because at the same time I'm calling CPS on him because he is considering letting all of our children enter the slide of doom.

     This paralyzing vision is the one I have when a slide like this is at one of our local bounce house places on level ground and is completely dry.  Now, put it in someone's uneven backyard, soak the slide with water, and have wet kids drip all over the up ramp.  My panic rises exponentially.

     The scene at today's party will be slippery wet kids charging up a wet inclined plane and sliding down another.  I will let my kids participate, but I will also be the helicopter mom who brought her swim suit and is following behind my children as they climb up the slide ensuring I am the human cushion who will break their fall in case they plummet to their death.  Thankfully, everyone there will probably just think I am the really fun mom spending quality time with her kids at a great party.

     I will let them think this.  I will spend all day climbing up and down that slide.  And I will pretend this is exactly how I dreamed of spending my afternoon.

    Please tell me these slides scare you too and my husband is unwarranted in wanting me to "just chill out."  Or better yet, tell me one of your mommy nightmares so I can live in unjustified paralyzing fear of everything.

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Thank you also for sticking around long enough to find out about the asterisk.  *This actually happened to my brother at Disney World back the 1970s. Mom says they closed the park down and did not let anyone in or out of the park until my brother was found, an hour later, riding It's a Small World.

Last Day #iPPP

     Happy 4th of July!  I hope today finds you relaxing and ejoying all the great things that come along with being in America on the 4th of July: hamburgers, hot dogs, potato chips or potato salad, whichever you prefer, and of course ice cold beer.

     Today I'm linking up with Greta at G*funk*ified for her favorite phone photo link up with a short story that all started back in 2007...

     I received a phone call.  The person on the other end of the phone told me that Blondie had been the last child accepted into the preschool of my choice.  Five years later all three of my children had progressed through that same school.  This year Ball finished preschool marking the last time I would drive any of my children there.

the climbing tree in front of preschool

     The tree out front welcomed everyone coming onto the grounds and was the perfect size and shape for even the smallest three year olds to climb.

     Beginning with her older sister five years ago, I took a picture of each of my children on their first day of school and on their last day of school.  The tiles in the wall provide a great measure to mark their growth during their preschool years.  On the last day of school I easily got a picture of Ball in the tree out front, she smiled happily for a shot with both of  her teachers, and then it came time for her to stand against the wall. 

     After some ten minutes of bartering, getting frustrated, begging, arguing, and finally explaining how happy it would make Mommy, I finally convinced my youngest to let me take her picture.

My reluctant subject

     This last picture made it easier for me to part ways with a very special place.  Remind me to thank Ball for this someday.

1 Week Down, Many More To Go

     I woke up with a long list of all the things I was going to get accomplished Friday morning; chapters I was going to read, articles I was going to study, papers I was going to get a jump start on. Then my morning happened.

• A grumpy child replaced my happy girl and two hours were wasted fighting to get some basic tasks completed.
• Then time was spent dealing with financial aid. (I need an assistant to handle the business of me going to school so I can just go to school.)
• After that it was time for lunch.

     When I finally sat down to tackle my list, I began to wonder what the point was to working at all.  After all, how would I even be able to focus on my materials in the afternoon?  Another point that negative voice made was that half my day was already gone.  (I found this point difficult to argue against.)  It suggested I should just write off the other half and try again tomorrow.

     That negative voice will be my downfall.  I need to somehow replace it with a voice that instead says "half a day's work is better than none!" Or "let's buckle down and get some items checked off on our list!" And I need that voice to be enthusiastic and mean it.

    Can I buy that more optimistic voice with some of my financial aid because if I don't get that soon, this is going to be a rough 15 months.

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