Tuesday, June 12, 2012

Evil Corporations and School Libraries

     A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away I lived with my husband in a beautiful land called "Childless."  In Childless, adults have lots of spare time on their hands; the kind of time one uses to write hostile letters to evil corporations with vile practices who exploit people.  The evil corporation about which I write was Blockbuster.

     I rented 3 movies from Blockbuster.  I returned those 3 movies to Blockbuster.  I began getting letters from Blockbuster.  These were not love letters, these were "give us back our videos" letters.  I was indignant.  I gave them back their videos.  What were they talking about?

     I walked into Blockbuster and ransacked shelves looking for the videos to prove I had returned them.  One of them was on the shelf; vidication!  I knew Blockbuster was evil!  I told the teenager at the counter to stop sending me letters.  The teenager at the counter did not stop the letters.

     The next letter said that for the remaining two videos I owed the store $240; $100 for each video and $20 for late fees on each video.  Don't they realize they can go to Costco and buy that video for $15?  $100 for a stupid disc is exploitation.  I was outraged!  I decided to fight these letters with one of my own.

     I sat down and crafted a "Cease and Desist" letter telling them; I most certainly returned the videos in question, they needed to erase all late fees from my account, and they were not allowed to contact me further regarding this matter.  (Hubs refuses to write letters like these and discouraged me from doing it, arguing that we should just pay the fine.  Easy for "he who could still rent videos at Blockbuster" to say!)  In spite of him (or maybe to spite him) I sent my letter off to the big bad evil Blockbuster corporation.

     Weeks later an apology letter arrived in the mail from Blockbuster.  My slate was clean, all late fees were expunged from my record, and my video rental priveldges were reinstated.

     A couple weeks later I was cleaning out my car.  While vacuuming I saw two boxes under the driver's seat.  Yup, those would be the two videos I had fought so hard to clear my name over.  Doh!  Under cloak of darkness I dropped those two videos in the drop box to asuage my conscience.  (No, I didn't pay the $40 in late fees.  Even though they were right about me, I'm sure they were wrong about someone else.  They are after all, evil.)

     A month ago Dude borrowed a book from his elementary school library.  Given our not stellar record of returning books to the library, I made sure that book was packed in his bag to be returned the very next day.  Two weeks later a note came home from the school library telling me I was going to have to pay $40 for the book in question.  I was outraged!  (Do you see where this is going?)  Ready to go into school this week to have a stern talk with the librarian the book was discovered, in Blondie's room, having been hidden by the Dude.

I won't write a cease and desist letter to you if you click below.  Thanks for your support!
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24 comments:

  1. My kids know that one of my quirks it that I can't stand missing library books. I like to know for sure that we've returned them, so I don't look like an idiot when I claim that we did.

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    1. I have less of a problem looking like an idiot than I do paying money because I was an idiot.
      My little boy never wants to return the books to his school library because he likes them so much. He's kind of cute about it.

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    1. I (almost) always return items. I don't always return them on time. Speaking of which there is a short stack of books in my office that needs attention.

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  3. Man, I need to get into this whole late fees business. It sounds like a major money maker.

    Question: Do you have to actually have a product that people rent or borrow to be able to collect late fees?

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    1. Go the Lorax route and rent air. Then you can you can start collecting fees from everyone!

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  4. Good thing you found it before you vented your furious anger on the librarian!

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    1. I would have been polite. I do polite indignence very well. (Is indignence a word? If not, I'm making it one.)

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  5. My thing is giving my family grief for losing something and then I find it - right where I left it.
    A friend called me the other day after a play date telling me her son left something here. After she ranted for a few minutes, lost it with him, made me look all over my house AND outside, she said "Oh...I see it...it's on the table. Thanks, bye." mm hmm.

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    1. I am awesome at finding things. My husband is another story. He can't find something even if it is right in front of his face. I laugh at him about it all the time.

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  6. One time we got all indignant because we'd been charged for a bunch of fruit at the grocery that didn't end up among the bags when we got home. Gerry raised hell and eventually convinced them to give us a refund. A week later, we found the (not so fresh) fruit under some chips in a bag we'd tossed in the pantry. Heh heh.

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    1. That is pretty hysterical. At least you didn't have to pay for the rotten fruit!

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  7. Hahahahhaaaa! That definitely sounds like something I would do. I have a penchant for getting indignant with evil corporations.

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    1. I get indignant with everyone because I am 100% positive that nothing is ever my fault... ever!

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  8. Ugh isn't that the worst??? Especially after all the letters and getting them to admit they shouldn't have harassed you. Awesome that you snuck back in the dead of nnight to deposit them!! Found you at finding the funny.

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    1. Thanks for stopping by. It was awful confessing to my husband that after all that it really was my fault. All he could do was shake is head and laugh and maybe be a little impressed with my tenacity.

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  9. OH, no!! Ha! This SO sounds like something I would. It made me laugh! Did you make the drop at 3 in the morning under a cloak?

    (Thanks for linking this up over at #findingthefunny last week!)

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    1. I did make the drop under a cloak, with a dagger!

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  10. That is sooooo funny. I think it's time for you to switch to Netflix.

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    1. I think we were some of the first Netflix devotees. We owned stock in them but stupidly sold it before we could make BILLIONS (ok, maybe thousands, but it still would have been sweet!) And all bourne from my hatred of Blockbuster.

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  11. seems totally like something I would do!

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    1. I am very willing to complain about things so they get made right and my husband is always nudging me and telling me to keep my mouth shut.

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  12. This is SO me! My husband cringes EVERY time we go to the library and I get so indignant. Of course, we go through the same thing EVERY time! I called the school about a book that I was CERTAIN that my daughter returned, though I think we all know what probably really happened! I found you on the blog hop and am happy to be your newest follower!
    http://anothertiredmommy.blogspot.com/2012/06/hi-im-nika.html

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    1. I wrote all this and then my oldest lost her library book at school. It seems to run in the family. Thanks for stopping by!

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