The Toothpaste War

     I put Ball in time out this morning for brushing her teeth.  That's right.  And it wasn't even the kind of morning where nobody could do anything right and I was slapping kids in time out left and right just to get them away from me.  It was just a normal (kids being no more crazy than usual) morning.

     Let me begin by saying, my standards for my house are not high.  I live with 3 kids.  My life is constantly 1 step forward, 3 steps back.  While I am putting away one set of toys, the kids are getting out 3.  After we've spent 30 minutes cleaning a bedroom I hear all the toys being yanked back out while I am closing the bedroom door and walking away.  If I couldn't tolerate living like this, I would be a miserable human being.  I grudgingly traded neatness for happiness.

     What does this have to do with me putting Ball in time out for brushing her teeth?  That is a fair question.  Although my standards have significantly lowered in the neatness department, I do not like living in filth.  To me, this is the difference between having a kitchen counter littered with last weeks mail versus having a kitchen counter covered in coffee grounds.

     That being said, toothpaste is one of my "crazy" triggers.  Although I accept toothpaste is necessary:
1) Why can't kids get toothpaste out of a tube without smearing toothpaste all over the tube and cap?
2) Why does it have to stick to everything it touches?
3) Why does it have to be bright blue?
4) And why does it have to taste so good that my daughter is constantly brushing her teeth to satisfy her sweet tooth?
My four year old toothpaste taster is incapable of getting toothpaste out of the tube without making a mess, usually bright blue, in the bathroom sink or all over the counters.  This leads me back to question one and restarts my vicious toothpaste hate cycle.

     As much as I hate toothpaste, curbing Ball's love of toothpaste and therefore tooth brushing is something I try very hard not to do.  I go behind her and clean up globs of blue goo (mumbling things she shouldn't hear under my breath) because I think it's awesome that I have a kid who brushes her teeth 5 times a day. 

     That being said, as I was putting Ball's breakfast plate on the table I heard her announce from the bathroom that she was going to brush her teeth.  I calmly called "please don't brush your teeth right now."  (Why must she brush her teeth right before breakfast when she will be brushing them in 15 minutes after breakfast???)  Ball said "I'll be fast Mom, don't worry!"  (as if speed was at all a factor in my request)  To which a more forceful "Ball, do NOT brush your teeth right now" was delivered.  As I walked toward the bathroom she rinsed her toothbrush off, hopped off her stool, and with a huge blue goo smile on her face announced to me that she was all done.  And so Ball ended up in time out (mostly because she chose not to listen to me) but also because that huge blue goo smile sent me to my crazy toothpaste hating place and someone needed to be punished.